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I

by yrstruly

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1.
well i've been told that if i'll die for no one here i'll disappear and i've been told that if you'll lie you'll stay 'round here and disappear so put me down in a room and i swear it would do when all the cockroaches are done well i've been told that if i die for no one here i'll disappear and i've been told that if you lie you'll stay 'round here and disappear so put me down in a room and i swear it would do when all the cockroaches are done get off the ground get off the ground it's what you need it's what you're bound by
2.
hold me down, you're so kind and so gentle in your strife you've been dumb such long time you can never see again that every time you breathe is every time i choke but it's just me that i talk about 'cause you can never see yes you are never woke but it's just me that i talk about the kid is hurt, he's terrified but he can cut you with his mind we've been dumb such long time we can never see again that every time i breathe is every time you choke 'cause it's just me that i talk about 'cause i can never see 'cause i am never woke and it's just me that i talk about it's just me that i talk about it's just me that i talk about
3.
on our backs 03:22
every hour on our backs falling in line every hour that we've sat falling in line every hour on our backs feeling real fine every hour that we've got falling in line every hour on our backs falling in line every hour that we've sat feeling real fine the only thing we've ever had - falling in line every hour that we've got falling in line i tried to listen but there's nobody there i tried to talk to but there's nobody there
4.
when i see us smiling in my dreams nothing i can do to make it real i don't want to walk alone so we talk talk talk on the telephone tonight i open up to you the fire i throw myself into i have failed at everything again you just want to be some sort of friend and now i have to walk alone and we haven't talk not much anymore since the night i've opened up to you the fire i've thrown myself into the thing i know i'll never do the life i'll never share with you
5.
15-25 01:55
you are same as yesterday live off your broken dreams don't know what's ahead of you you're not sure what is real bitter and confused now there is something in your sight but you are too depressed to go for it too afraid to try nothing ever happens in your pointless little life yesterday you were fifteen and now you're twenty five got no recollection what you've done with all these years dying over and over just to find out how it really is you can tell them many different stories but they no longer need you don't care what you think of me i stay alone, i'm staying free cause i don't think i got much time don't care what you think i do there's many things i'd say to you but i don't think you'd listen much
6.
sonny, you talk a lot saying you'll never serve listening is what you lack nothing is what you're worth nothing is what you're worth sonny, you talk a lot saying you'll never serve listening is what you lack nothing is what you're worth nothing is what you're worth sonny, you grab a lot more than you'll ever hold feeling is all you got feeling is your concern feeling is your concern
7.
TV 01:31
what's that thing i heard you just say is there a point in talking about it i never wanna play in these games i'd better stay inside with my books and color TV i don't need your shit not really sometimes i get this funny feeling it's like i'm going blind and i don't feel i've got much time and i look down at the ceiling and i look up at the floorboards it's like i'm stuck in the middle and wasting all my time so many things that i wanna i'll never get i'd be worn out and soon all my hair will fall out my life's not really mine and i am so afraid to die
8.
dead to me 02:57
i'm dying, in my heart a deep wound weeks, that we've been apart i can't move I'm crying, in my soul a dark hole i'll never let it out no more I can't stop thinking about how you've said "you are dead to me"
9.
guns i cannot see you shot in my direction just hypocrisy and mindless accusation think, until i bleed but i can't reach perfection this is all that you get for trying hard and never asking much run away from everything my tongue's too numb to speak this senseless situation that we've put us in that's causing all this tension we cannot agree on who's the king and whom to kill my thoughts are swarming bees everything is turning inside out and they're calling the police sure, i make no sense but i speak loud i won't fight for anything
10.
lesson's learned body's deep why i hurt? i can't see i try / i cry i miss your touch, the nights are cold your truth will never even hold
11.
he said "love the way you're sleeping love the way you're calm your head" she said "Doctor, where are you keeping precious pills for me for pain to go away?"
12.
yes i do 02:46
sometimes i'm grieving i'm all in denial sometimes i'm living in sorrow i do sometimes i'm laughing can't get any higher yes i do sometimes you're crazy your head is on fire but then you're amazing you make my dreams come true and why am i so selfish i sing while you're dying yes i do
13.
try and count the time you've wasted on him you've been good but you cannot no more you've been in your sleepy zone you've been in your restless form all year trying hard to erase him but he's here yet you never wanna face him for sure you'll be in your sleepy zone you'll be in your restless form all year try to hold on it's the best one yet

about

first part of a trilogy of mixtapes that I'm making.
songs written 2012-2017.

started recording this in 2016 in various asylum seeker temporary shelters all over Burgundy, France, finished recording at Montbarbon family house in spring-summer of 2018.

credits

released July 17, 2018

everything by Nikita Ogurtsov.
samples taken from all over.

thank you: Julia, our parents and everyone who ever helped us

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yrstruly Paris, France

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